Letters – Pain & Sympathy

Letters To MyselfLetters To Myself ~

Received an email from one of my remaining friends today. Like before I wrote out a response and thought better of sending it. Her husband is having surgery later this month for a shoulder injury he suffered at work. I have great sympathy for him and the pain he’s going through.

When my tendonitis flairs up in my shoulder I can’t move, can’t lay down, can’t find a place to sit and rest the arm without it hurting. And when you don’t have health insurance any longer, there’s no way to make it stop hurting enough to fall asleep, much less stay asleep.

Used to be when it got so bad I couldn’t stand it, I could go get a cortisone shot and a few days later it would be ok. But we can’t afford that now and last time it flared up I simply had to suffer through it. Considering I went 4 weeks with a dislocated shoulder and didn’t know it, I can take a great deal of pain. So when I say something hurts to the point of I can’t stand it, it’s pretty freakin’ bad. So..basically..I can relate and I truly feel bad for him. I hope at the very least, he has some kind of pain meds to get him to the surgery.

As for us…I don’t know how we’re doing. Of course I could fill this entire email with all the issues, problems, struggles. Seems I can’t get through one day without having to face yet another issue. The house and everything in it is falling apart piece by piece and some how I find ways to make do.

The dryer doesn’t turn off, so I set the timer on the microwave so it’s not running hours on end. The washing machine won’t finish a cycle because the lid..well I don’t know..but if I set a box of bleach on the lid it will run the cycle. The microwave broke years ago, but the light and timer work. Frankly cooking the “old fashioned” way isn’t so bad when you get used to it. In fact, most things even taste better.

The heat pump is broken, but at least the heat works on emergency heat for the winter. And we have the window/portable ac units for summer. I could seriously go on for about 100 things more but it’s pointless.

What little money we did have coming in, we don’t have any more. My man’s brother said he can’t afford to pay him any longer, so he supposedly stopped working for him. But he really didn’t. I’m doing the usual, putting in applications and sending out resumes. It’s been 6 years of applying to anything. I simply can’t get anyone to hire me. From McDonalds to Food Lion to GE and CapOne. And anything in between. Even f’ing WalMart won’t hire me. WTF?

At the end of the school year a “friend” of mine that I could at least talk to decided I’ve become to poor for her and she started cutting me out of her day/life. Next to ‘C’, another friend ‘R’ and now this one, ‘M’..I have you and ‘B’ left.

Had a friend ‘H’ who would check in on us from time to time. She talked to a farmer guy that runs a fruit stand and who has the hots for her. Anyway..she talked to him about us not having much to live on and little to eat and he started giving her some of the fruit he gives to a neighboring farmer when it gets too bad to be sold at the stand. You know why he gives it to the neighbor? So the other farmer can give it to his pigs. Wow. Talk about making someone feel like they’re no better than pigs. I take that back, the pigs probably have it better than we do.

After accepting her “gift” the third time, I ended up telling her thanks but no thanks. What he’s giving her is too far gone for us to eat and we’ve had to throw 90% of it away. That must have offended her because she barely talks to us now.

I don’t qualify for food stamps or welfare here in Virginia, because I own a house. We haven’t been foreclosed on yet … amazingly. Tried to get myMan to apply for those things, but since he hasn’t done his taxes in the past 10 years, that’s a problem. Without claiming the child on his taxes, he can’t say he has a kid to provide for. He can’t prove lack of income, so he can’t qualify for aid.

I’ve been asking him to do the dam taxes for over 2 years. Still not done. I also need him to do his taxes so we can apply for a business loan for his company. Screw his brother, he could renew his license in NC, get licensed in VA and maintain the license in SC and potentially get work. But that’s not going to happen, because even with all the work I put into writing his business plan and drafting a business loan letter and searching through the Small Business Admin, and the Virginia Business Admin to find banks or brokers to send it all to, I can’t…because he hasn’t done his taxes.

Last month a friend turned him onto a local company who does his kind of work and gave him a name of a guy to call. He called, the guy passed the buck and transferred him to the design manager who said send me you’re resume. He said he was going to send it, but I have no idea if he did it or not. I’m in the dark about everything while watching everything I worked so hard for go down the drain. And since no one will give me a chance and hire me, there’s not much I can do about it except wait to be thrown out of my dream house and live on the street.

Funny thing is…even if we were thrown out, we can’t go anywhere. My truck is broke and the battery is dead. His truck is out of gas and the battery is dead. The tags on all the vehicles have expired and we can’t renew them because (1) we don’t have the money and (2) the state won’t let us renew them until we come current on the vehicle property tax which we haven’t been able to pay for the past 2 years.

If it weren’t for myMan’s Mom I don’t know how we’d be getting by. She gives us what she can each month, but of course we can’t cover everything. Comes down to which do you pay the electric, the wifi so myMan can keep downloading bids and submitting them, his cell so he can talk to potential customers or they can call him, the water, gas for the car that works or food so the child doesn’t go hungry?

We haven’t been able to pay the water bill in 2 months, but they haven’t cut us off yet. We got a note on the door this week that said pay it by the end of the month or they’ll turn us off. Like everything else, we don’t call and question..we let it go and hope we go unnoticed for a little while longer.

As for pictures, nothing new. We can’t go anywhere, do anything, see anything or anyone. So there’s no new pictures since the last school pictures I sent out. And now that I’ve just made your day … go home and take care of you guy. ๐Ÿ˜‰

You asked… sorry I answered. I have no one to talk to, because no one wants to hear it. And when people push me to answer, they get tired of it and we never hear from them again. So I usually don’t answer this question. I’m getting tired of saying “I’m sorry we’re too poor to be worthy of your friendship”!

~ Victoria Lynn

VR-Hanko ~ All Rights Reserved ยฉ

ย ยฉ 2013ย Victoria’s Rose ~ All Rights Reserved.

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