As long as you’re meeting your business commitments to people you barely know for your brother’s business, then by all means don’t give a second thought to the commitments you’re breaking to me.
I told you last week the commitments I have to meet this week. Starting with today. It wasn’t like this was a surprise. I’ve told you about them for a week. Thanks to the “Great Recession” (what a joke of a name), I rely on you. I need you to stand up and fight for me. I need you to make someone else feel uncomfortable because they’re not aware of, or don’t care about what we’re going through.
When you won’t even push a little, it only goes to show how much you don’t respect me. Especially when it’s your own flesh and blood who owes you thousands for the 20hour days you work for HIS company.
So now the only thing I have that gives me some hope is inaccessible. My professional website (ok, it rarely brings in money and costs more than I make) is down because the hosting fees haven’t been paid. But it’s all I have that gives me any self respect or a feeling of self worth.
I’m more cut off than ever before because I can’t even get my email. Mail that tells me if the headhunters I’m working with found anything for me to apply to. Or if the 20 jobs I’ve applied to in the last week might actually come through and want to talk to me. Or if someone hired me for one of my healing or divination services. No, those things where I can make some money don’t matter as long as your brother isn’t put in a position of feeling uncomfortable!
It doesn’t matter that my cell phone has been out of service for nearly a month now. Who knows if I’ve gotten calls for interviews. As long as your phone is working so you can answer calls for your brother’s company.
It doesn’t matter that my car can’t be driven because the tags have expired and I can’t go looking for a job. As long as your truck is working for errands you do for your brother’s company.
I’m so tired of having to fight the world and fight you at the same time for control over my life. A bare cupboard. An empty freezer. The dog has no food. My son has no milk. It’s hard to live on bread and water, when you can’t afford bread or water. But hey; your brother’s kids go out to dinner once a week. They’re able to go out on the weekend and enjoy the fall festivals and participate in holiday fun. They can come home to a snack before dinner. Oh and dinner too.
So by all means, don’t press your brother to do something that might be a burden on him. We wouldn’t want to inconvenience him. We wouldn’t want to upset anyone outside the walls of our house that still hasn’t been paid for this month.
No need to worry about our water or electricity being turned off. I’m sure you’ll get the cable paid so you can still have access to your email..oh wait, I mean you’re brothers business email that YOU sift through every week. Though how he thinks you’ll be able to do that without electricity is beyond me. But hey, you’re driving with car insurance, oh..I mean the car insurance that’s in MY name of course. As with everything else that hasn’t been paid.
I wonder how many people would work 20hours a day every day, weekends, holidays, with no vacation and no sick days for basically nothing. I’m sure the little $200 here and $300 there for a months worth of work is something. And the ‘promise’ of more of course is always there and never fulfilled. But hey as long as you’re the average of $300 a month, his conscience is clear. I mean really after two years what has it gained you?
The fact that I said “never do business with family” means nothing. My concern that you’d work for him and toss out your dreams of having your own company meant nothing. My worry that you’d get so involved in his business that you’d stop working toward your own company has come true. None of my worries or concerns meant anything then, and certainly mean nothing now that they’ve come to pass.
Your excuses don’t change. They’re the same ones you’ve delivered time and time again. After 2 years, don’t you think maybe they’re the wrong reasons and it’s time to make a change or try something different? All I’ve asked is for you to think of us. To do your taxes so I can take your business plan that I worked so hard on for you and shop it around for a business loan. Let’s work on your business here, at our home, for us! Why are we always last on your list of commitments? Why are your commitments to us, so much less important to you?
I wish I could make a change. I wish I could get someone to give me a chance. Even an interview would give me the strength to keep fighting. I’m losing the ability to endure. I’m so close to the end that I can’t help but think you and our boy would be better off without me. Without my commitments on your shoulders. After all, you have some where to go. A place that’s warm and safe. That doesn’t have my financial burdens to meet or deal with. Maybe the change you need is to finish giving up on me, take him and leave. At least maybe you can find some respect to care for him. Because I don’t matter to either of you anymore.
~ Victoria Lynn