No matter what I say it seems to be the wrong thing. I can’t say something needs to get done, someone has a problem, or I need, want or should anything. As soon as I open my mouth and speak, I get a sigh, a huff, a nasty look, or angry answer.
I’m sorry I said anything. I’m sorry I’m a constant reminder of your inability to listen to me four years ago. I’m sorry whatever I say makes you feel like one more thing is on your shoulders.I didn’t ask you to do anything. I didn’t ask you to fix it. I didn’t expect you to do something.
“It’s not you”, “I’m not mad at you” ..really? Then why are you taking it out on me? Why do I get the nasty huff or the deep frustrated sigh if it’s not me? Why am I the one paying for you inability to fight for us, to stand up for us, to work for us?
Why is it that when I say I’ll do it, or I’ll take care of it, you feel the need to get to it before I do? I said I’d look at it tomorrow. So what do you do? You have to get to it now. You have to make sure I don’t know what’s going on. You have to cut me out of yet one more thing and make me feel inadequate or unqualified or unable to do anything! Don’t you realize how belittling that is? Can’t you see how worthless that makes someone feel?
Every day I hear the frustration, the complaints about little things that I can’t change and I can’t fix. From the first thing in the morning to the last thing at night. I’m so tired of the complaints about every day things that can’t be fixed because there’s no money! You want them fixed, than fight for us! Damn it! I’m tired of the arguments, the yelling and the hateful talk from you two. And it always seems to be directed at me. Because you don’t do it to each other! But you both do it to me!
I wish I could escape. I wish I could go somewhere and get away from this. I wish ….. I’m so done with this! And I Give Up! I’ve got nothing left and no more to give anyone. So don’t yell at me because I don’t talk. Don’t get pissed at me because I don’t laugh at your stupid comments. Don’t huff at me any more because I’m sorry…I can’t do anything about it now that you’ve boxed me into a worthless corner where my value is less than zero!!
~ Victoria Lynn