Letters – When Trying Isn’t Enough Anymore

Letters To MyselfšŸ“Ŗ Letters To Myself ~

I’m so tired of hearing “I’m trying”. Exactly when does trying not become enough? After 7 years of struggle and 2 weeks of not having any medication. Now if I were talking about pain medication, or medication that you need for making things better; I might say, made do with over the counter replacements.

But imagine your heart has problems with palpitations and keeping a stable rhythm. Imagine you’re a diabetic and medication keeps your sugar down. And then there’s the prescription that helps protect your kidneys from high sugar. Going two weeks and moving into week three is more than a little concerning.

So when I ask, can’t you get your brother to pay $50 of what he owes you in the morning so we can use some of the money in your account to get my scripts, milk and bread today? Money that’s actually been spent on the electric bill already. Why they haven’t taken it out, I don’t know. But with a winter storm heading to us that promises to lock us inside for 3 or 4 days; that loaf of bread and my scripts sure would be nice to have.

And what’s the answer to this question/request? I’m trying to get more from him. Ok I know you’re trying damn it. Trying isn’t enough today! Can’t you pick up the damn phone and tell him to put $50 in your account in the morning so I can avoid having a f’ing heart attack for another day? Or is that way too much ask? Seriously? You’re trying? Trying is picking up the phone and calling the cheap self-centered son-of-a-bitch and getting something that will help “Us” survive for another week!!

Not trying is… making excuses for a bastard that has no idea what struggle is or what it feels like when your heart is pounding and about to bust through your chest! Struggle is your sugar level being so high that you can’t see clear enough to see across the room. Struggle is begging the pharmacy and drug companies to have pity on you and give you your medication even though you don’t qualify for their programs. I hate living in a Republican state! HATE IT!

I’m tired of struggling! I’m tired of hearing “I’m trying to do work on this spreadsheet, so I can forecast how much money I can make”. I’m tired of “I’m trying to get him to do this.” I’m tired of “I’m trying to talk some sense into his head”. I’m tired and today..on this day…at this moment I can’t take it anymore!Ā 

~ Victoria Lynn


VR-Hanko ~ All Rights Reserved Ā©

Ā Ā© 2014 Victoria’s Rose ~ All Rights Reserved.

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